Thirty Nine

I haven’t had much time to write recently. Been busy. (I’ll write about that some other time.) But I’ve kind of been posting regularly on this date for a while, so here we are.

Ah, time. And the inexorable passage thereof. There’s some kind of big milestone for me in around three hundred and sixty-five more solar cycles. Well, I don’t personally consider it big, since that’s kind of arbitrary. But as people are wont to say, life begins… maybe I’ll save that for next year.

This year, kind of at a crossroads. Considering where to go and the way forward. Trying out some things. Figuring out what’s important and what’s not and what one would be willing to give up.

In all honesty there’s a good chance that in another year’s time, I still wouldn’t have figured anything out. Maybe that’s what life is though. A constant struggle of figuring out where to go next.

And so it goes.

Thirty One

Days seem to fly by at such an unforgiving pace. Has it really been thirty-one years now?

I have a lot to be thankful for the past thirty-one years. Family, friends and other wonderful people that provide love and support; a roof over my head, three square meals a day minimum and a nice, stable and well-paying job. For all of these, I am thankful.

One would think that at such a point in my life, I would be very satisfied for having been so blessed.

I was never one for being so easily satisfied.

I remember when I was in high school, I made a bet with a classmate that I would be able to become president of the country before he could. Our wager was worth one cubic meter of solid gold.

A few years back, I made a wager with an officemate who was about to leave my company to go independent; I bet that I would become famous before he would. To win the bet, one would have to be named person of the year by a major international publication such as Time or Newsweek.

I’m still a dreamer, I always have been. Since I was young I’ve dreamed of accomplishing something great. I think everybody has a dreamer inside them, especially when they’re young. But as we grow older and face the different trials and tribulations of life, they start to chip away slowly at our dreams. Everyday we make some simple decision that trades a part of those dreams for something pragmatic.

But dreams have a way of being overtaken by real life.

We tell ourselves we’d just be working for a year or so, until we figure out what direction I wanted my life to take. We have so many options in this day and age; never has the barrier for entry into freelancing, entrepreneurship or innovation been so low. One year passes, then another and then yet another. But we still don’t know where we want to go.

We say to ourselves; it’s okay, I can work on my dreams in my spare time. I’ll write a chapter a day. I’ll code a few portions of my revolutionary web service after I get home. I’ll do design work on my game on weekends. I’ll brainstorm business ideas on the way to work. But when we come home from our daily grind, we’re dead tired and just want to relax, or surf the web, or play games on our consoles. I’ll start tomorrow, a familiar mantra. And days turn into weeks and turn into months and into years.

I need to get some experience first. I just need to save up some more money. I’m already doing pretty well, why ruin it? I’m pretty lucky to have a well-paying job in this economy, I’d be foolish to take risks now. I have bills to pay. These are the lies we tell ourselves when we find ourselves wondering what happened to our dreams, when we wake up to find ourselves trapped in the loop of ordinary life.

And we end our days, humble and simple, having lived an ordinary life. Just another statistic in human history, just another cog in the great wheel of destiny. And we tell ourselves more lies. I could’ve been great. I never had any opportunities. If only I had gotten a break.

For many people, this ordinary life may be enough, and that’s great for them. They will live out their ordinary lives with their ordinary ending and grow old and raise their kids and enjoy the company of their grandchildren and they’ll be completely happy and satisfied with that.

Again, I was never one for being so easily satisfied.

Thirty-one years now. Days flying by at an unforgiving pace. How will I find myself spending the next thirty-one?

First Birthday Outside the Country

Check. Yeap, I turned 29 a couple of days ago.

There’s a typhoon signal no. 8 over HK right now as I type this. For people in the Philippines, that’s hard to imagine since our local indicators only go up to storm signal no. 4. But it’s really a bit calm where I am right now, some wind but not much rain. I’m not inclined to go out though, I’m running out of clothes as it is.

I’m flying back next Tuesday, hopefully the storm has dissipated by then. I miss my own bed. :p

I’m Back. And I’m 27.

Yeah, so there.

It was an impromptu hiatus anyway. Unplanned and whatever. Work has been hell lately. Not a tedious kind of hell though. Just the sort that sucks up a lot of time. I spent more than 15 hours in the office on my birthday.

Twenty-seven huh? I wish I had more to say, but birthdays seem to matter less and less as I get older. I’m in a good place right now, but I’m still not where I ultimately want to be. I have a long road ahead of me.

Maybe someday I’ll get around to it.

14-AUG-2003: Quarter-Life Crisis

  • Well, not exactly. But I am now 25, in any case. Looking back, there are many
    things I might have regretted, but my life philosphy tells me that there can be
    no regrets. The past is past, and the future is yet to come. Somehow, I’m only
    a few steps closer towards achieving my lifetime goals, but my gut tells me to
    keep on dreaming. Such is the folly of a dreamer.
  • In case you’re wondering, my lifetime goals include becoming an accomplished
    indie game developer, and world domination. There are more, but these are the
    ones that are most constant. Yes, I’m serious about the world domination part!
  • Anyway, I’m glad I finally got some free time. Work’s been a bitch lately,
    but I had to call in sick today due to an unfortunate (or fortunate?) case of LBM.
    Filipinos in the audience know what I’m talking about. Truth be told I would’ve
    taken the slightest excuse to get off work. It’s better to be absent
    today since the workload is rather light while we’re waiting for the UAT results,
    rather than being absent when we have to cram for deadlines. Gee, I wonder if my
    officemates are reading this. ^_^

Birthday #24

I turned 24 yesterday.

Generally uneventful birthday, as usual. I’m glad I got the whining done in the last post. Spent the night before at David’s (whose birthday is a couple of days before mine). Dave, Mon and I played approximately seven hours of CvS2, watched a Jet Li flick then played around eight hours of Warcraft III. WC3 is the bomb! (And it further highlights my craving for a new computer) Anyway, went home the next morning, got some sleep. Then the usual birthday food in the evening, and some new pants.

I had forgotten to go to Church that morning (curse you Warcraft III!!!) so I decided to go to Church this morning. Before going I was stiull a bit down about being a 24-year old bum, but somehow going to Church gave me back a bit of hope. Funny how although I’m not a very good practicing Catholic, a few quiet moments with God are enough to change my perspective on things.

In any case, this is the start of a new year, hopefully one better than the last. I don’t know where fate will take me this year, but I will face life with open arms, overcome all challenges and spit in the face of destiny. All things happen for a purpose, hopefully soon i will know mine.